Relinquished
by Lenore91
Summary: In a moment of despair, he begs Mana's curse to be lifted from him. Yet when the other exorcists encounter their own fears, and lose, can Allen be brought to care? Or did Mana's curse push him too far?


Title - fandom - rating: **Relinquished** - -Man - [T]  
Description: In a moment of despair, he begs Mana's curse to be lifted from him. Yet when the other exorcists encounter their own fears, and lose, can Allen be brought to care? Or did Mana's curse push him too far? (5 chapters)

**Disclaimer**: do not own DGM

**Chapter one: Despair**

In the centre of the crater, a murky puddle began to form. It was once a footprint; now it bordered on being a shallow pond. In it, Allen knelt. Torrential rain poured around him, but he cared not for his wet clothes. Allen grieved for the self-destruction of a dozen Akuma. The souls had called out to him! But he had been too slow, too weak: fearful, even, of his own mortality.

How selfish.

"It's not your fault, Allen." Lavi falsely tried to comfort him.

- [ _Yes, it is._ ] -

"No one expects more from you, Allen-kun." Lenalee had attempted, going so far as to pat his shoulder.

- [ _The Akuma do_. ] -

"Get over it, Moyashi." Kanda had shouted at the unmoving exorcist, barely a whisper over the rain.

- [ _I can't_ ] -

"We need to go elsewhere, Allen."

- [ _Where? _] -

"The rain's getting stronger. Allen-kun, we need to leave!"

- [ _In which direction? _] -

"Allen?"

"Che. Leave the beansprout where he is."

"Allen-kun? Are you okay, Allen-kun?"

"Baka Moyashi"

"What's wrong, sprout?"

- [_What isn't?_ ] -

There was a grunt of frustration.

-(and)-

A call of concern.

-(and)-

The hollow words of a masked historian.

Under the guise of rain, none had noticed his tears.

There was a startled cry of victory when Allen shuffled, leaning back and tilting his head skywards. They thought the parasitic exorcist was responding to their words. Instead, his gaze was focused beyond them: disturbingly wide; pained and lost. His mouth parted, forming soft-sounding words to the heavens. In that instant, the other exorcists felt uneasy, their neck hair raised, sensing danger.

Unheard to the exorcists, Allen began his call to his curse-maker. To his onlookers, the rain-soaked boy merely mouthed weak obscenities at the sky.

"Mana, I-I can't do this anymore. Not in the way you intended. Your slash, this scar - it's too much. I-I... Mana!"

(Their ears became more attuned as Allen cried out.)

"Under it, Mana, I can barely crawl. Th-my sm-smile cracks and falls, Mana! I-It'll scare them, this ruined paint..."

(Gasping and stuttering, they stretched palms in gesture alone, presenting no genuine aid.)

"It can't b-be done this way, Mana... I-I'm sorry, Mana."

Allen's left eye began to glow a startling, upsetting red - his pupil returning to it's ringed red singe from before his official induction to the Order. After a moment, blooded tears trailed across his scarred left cheek, dragged by gravity onto a path other than his southward scar dictated.

(Their ineffective, unreaching concern blossomed, seeing this scene in the mud.)

"_I_ can't do it, Mana!" Allen slipped a sob and a straight faced giggle, and breathed unanswered questions. "Keep walking? _Keep?_ How long? How far?"

The mechanical, cog-toothed wheel sneered at his words, twirling in anger. The second, smaller one span dangerously, detaching itself in a reckless, jagged motion at his next words.

"_Don't stop, _you said. _Never stop,_ right?" Another giggle. A pause. And a reluctant breath, as though wishing he didn't have to breath, feel or suffer; or that he could just will himself dead. "It's not like I haven't disappointed you before."

(The lot stiffened, never useful in their responses: Kanda got angrier at the unnecessary display - that kid will just get up like he always does; Lavi gained this glazed look, observing the slight, tremble of resolve - that boy will cry before standing again; Lenalee shook with concern for his feelings but remained ignorant - he'll get stronger from his suffering. And so they observed, distant in his moment of need.)

The dark red wheel cracked, crooked lines scarred the tortured reflections. Small, significant shards flittered away and the cursed cog trembled, resisting Allen's rejection. The smaller one shattered entirely, twinkling regretfully as the ruby flakes vanished from view. The metallic outline took a moment longer to disappear - twisting, wreathing in the air, like a worm burned, glinting as it withered, thinning into nothing.

(Once more, the indifferent _bastards_ gasped.)

"_I trapped you_ in that evil shell out of my own, stupid desire."

The smooth, scarlet surface ceased - exchanged for dented, rippled, ridged cracks, dulling the gleam of the now ruined, opaque wheel.

(They called to him as though they cared. But he did not.)

"_I made you_ suffer as a thing of the Earl's."

A chip of cursed glass fell out. The remaining segments chimed and shivered and struggled to persevere so incomplete.

"I made you _an Akuma_."

And it failed, falling miserably away, caught on a non-existent gust of wind and scattered. The sharp wheel melted, fizzling in unfelt remorse. It collapsed in on itself and dribbled, dripped onto his face, metallic tears joining the real ones.

"...and I lied to you, pretending all this time to be 'Allen'."

In response, the dark pentacle itself slid, smothering his crying, cursed eye. A shining, stylised 'D' seeped though the blackened flesh, glowing by contrast. Hissing, the skin around it spiralled, spawning a crooked ledge through which the foggy tentacles slithered.

(The onlookers jolted in fear, unable to tear their eyes away.)

Ghosting its way out, a night-stained wisp steadied itself, solidifying into a snarling skull. Crowned with a black star, the D-faced being unwound itself and turned its attentive, accusing gaze to the boy it tethered.

"Even if you forgive me, I can't atone."

Trembling, Allen reached out a hand and caressed Mana's curse; his reminder. So gently did the broken boy hold his burden - so, so sweetly did he comfort his beloved tormentor - that the great, spinning cyclone of a right eye twisted in foggy remorse and a misdirected loathing.

Allen gave a shaky smile.

"I... Mana, I give up on this way of walking." He swallowed, tears dried. "I relinquish your curse."

In a blinding instant, the scar opened. Quick blood streamed from the old wound, never congealing - always moving, running down his face, away from usefulness - and was wasted, ever-sinking, slowly; diluting into the mud.

(The black garbed, bystanding trio raced forwards, panicked, wanting to help.)

"I'm sorry." Allen whispered. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Furiously, and suddenly, the skull began to shout, straining, screaming in distress: damning the injustice of the world.

"I cursed you! I cursed you!"

There wasn't even a beat of silence before his heart-felt apologies continued.

"I'm sorry."

(The girl tried to cradle him, but his stance did not relent. She continued to try, a lazy arm around his back and a forehead at his neck, sobbing and whispering meaningless twaddle.)

"I'm sorry."

His voice was

{a broken whisper on the wind}

heard by them all

{that the disheartened had relented on his oath}

except the one

{he betrayed what little held him together}

who had to listen: Mana.

(The Japanese had snapped, slapped him across his unresponsive face, expressing his discontentment and disturbance at the sight.)

In the world of dark and light, he cried in penance under the loving gaze of a faceless clown, top hat shading what would have been eyes.

[ _I'm sorry_ ]

He received nothing in reply.

[ _I'm sorry_ ]

(The redhead pushed his way forwards, as though parting the rain, only to pull back his mask of friendship and watch with the eyes of a Bookman.)

The floating skull slanted away, searching, sneering at the indifferent survivors of life. It's peculiar, mismatched eyes rested upon the group. A black and white, striped and ridged tongue slithered past clenched, canine jaws in anticipation, licking the fearful air.

It was disgusted.

The fear was the wrong sort - one of compassion for a false friend and not for ones self or others. It sneered, hateful: this required amendments.

"I CURSE YOU!"

Wisps, both seen and unseen, attached themselves to each human.

(They flailed; some desperate, primitive, strange fear overriding their senses.)

The dark/clear strands multiplied - overlapping, sealing, isolating their prey - excluding their perceptions from the reality they loved.

(Blind chaos, panic, ran through them as the light was shut out. The darkness vanished. It was too bright! Too dark! Too much and too little!)

When the link was established enough, tentacles joined each exorcist, sharing the burden across them, dividing the darkness.

(Insecurity secured them in place, frozen in unimaginable sights, feeling indescribable horrors.)

Behind them, three steps fell - clacking quietly and stamping softly and whispering, scraping through silent residue.

(Their breath caught, smothered by the unnatural tingle of their own life - how wrong living felt! - so they gaze out into the unseen and saw nothing.)

Some tall force radiated from out of sight - to comfort or to maim? - and it was without definite direction.

(A final step thudded through the abyss. Each child, for that they felt and were, shimmered under judging glares.)

_Who?_

And it watched. And it watched. And it waited.

**for them to**

(They cried out, alone, separate in fear!)

**walk,**

(Shocked by the brightness within the night!)

**not that**

(Wounded by the darkness within sight!)

**they knew that.**

(Undue, misplaced guilt robbed them of their identity - ripped from them their will - and vanquished the love they had for themselves.)

The skull squealed, gleeful and angry, as it was torn between hosts - split into three pale imitations of itself. Snickering, the teeth-bared face floated, mask-like, before each expressionless human, save the one stained by soggy-earth.

(Each felt a phantom slash across their left eye -)

- as the curse aligned itself within their cranium -

(- so they called out, foolishly, as though it would soothe the searing pain.)

The unloved, ignored realms were revealed to them: swirling, spinning circles twisted and were mangled into one undeniable image. Treading on black, waltzing on white - their path both laid out and nonexistent - twining with the murky depths and falling through the empty ice and cold oceans, indistinguishable till cracked and fallen into.

_**The Darkness Has Returned**_

At the horizon shone an indistinct grey as the extremes blurred, blocking together - smudging and merging - yet the rays of time pervaded, enriching, the grief.

_**Welcome**_

_**To The Black And White World**_

In unison, they rose. Left eyes snapping - cracking - open, seeing only in reversed, colourless shades. In the distance, though magnified, was a single woman.

She called and she cried and she begged and she sobbed and she cursed.

YOu cAN seE ME?!

...A chain was spun around her neck.

hELp me

...Her mouth was sown shut.

WHy woN'T yOU HeLP mE?

...Bandages, tight, held her in place -

pLEasE!

- though she wreathed, stretching her taut form.

_**Go Deeper**_

(None of them wanted to see this.)

**_To A World Darker Than Black_**

**_Brighter Than White_**

(No one should look like that.)

_**Embrace It**_


End file.
